Relationship Series 1: How do one Build a Burnt Down Bridge in a Relationship?

It was a rainy day, Lillian decided to take cover in some person's pavement. She had forgotten her umbrella in the taxi. She gazed at the drops of rain hitting the soil but all she could see was a reflection of the wince look across his face. A mixture of shock and pain like a man pierced from behind in a battle field. They didn't just know they were at war with words. It all started as an innocent, 'yabbing' they call it, until she went too far by bringing up his past, which he'd told her not long ago. She had promised not to judge him or even bring it up in anyway because its in the past.

She sighed deeply and dived into the rain. Maybe, it'll help wash the guilt away.  "How do one build a burnt down bridge" she mumbled to herself and she decided to seek shelter again. She had already said sorry even before she was able to finish the sentence. And as a gentleman, he had shrugged it off but she knows, her words had pierced him deeply. The way out is to find out what it takes to build a burnt down bridge, its exact method she needs to apply now.  Her mouth had betrayed her, by speaking her thoughts. But truly, his past matters not. She just wants back that which they hold dear to their hearts.

'How do I build a burnt down bridge?' A question some of us has found ourselves asking when we hurt a dear one deeply; a friend, lover/spouse, family member.....etc Infact, you can't forgive yourself until they've forgiven you first. And that may not likely happen in the nearest future and its driving you crazy or giving you the sleepless night. Now, there are just three ways known to me to built a burnt down bridge in relationships and the first one is to;

Forgive yourself: In as much your forgiveness lies in them forgiving you, the weight of the burden of guilt will only make life misery for you. In most cases, you'll end up trying too hard by apologizing over and over again, until you begin to sound like a broken record. And probably turn yourself to a nagging fellow. If you can't forgive yourself, how do you expect the person you've hurt to be able to forgive you? The forgiveness have to begin with you and then, the second step;

Stop talking about it: I understand the feeling of needing to confide in someone or people to help intercede for you, but you must know the limit. Because, reported speech is always having a twist of addition or subtraction. And how can one be sure, the people you keep telling about how you've him/her, how hard you've tried to apologize and the brick wall you keep meeting, really do care? Hey! you may not believe me but not everyone whats to hear your wining. Its easier when its between families, then siblings or parents can help. But that may not be such a great idea if its between partners. Your ability to handle your problems solidifies what you have together. Learn to talk less and pray more for him/her to find a place in his/her heart to forgive you. While at that you'll need to practice the third step, which is;

Patience: Its very easy to start wondering or get angry why he/she can't accept your apology and let things go back the way it used to be. Hey! Time they say heals all wounds and he/she that you've hurt need that time to heal. You can't push them too hard, hence they'll snap and the wound will be open afresh again. And you can't give up, hence you loose him/her. Love on the other side of time conquers all, meaning; there must be a fight before conquering. Their thoughts will war against the feelings of being hurt but love will always find a way to mend or patch that, that was torn. Oh! actually, to pick courage to start building afresh that; that was burnt down. So, your burnt down bridge can be built if you patiently fit back the bites and pieces even if it'll take a life time.

If there's any relationship issue you'd want us to address, it'll be a great privilege to hear about it from you by sending a mail to meetono@yahoo.com. Cheers!